A Letter To My Future Self

Hey you, how are you feeling right now, please be honest. I hope you’re doing well, that life is going steady and that your days have some light in them. But even if they don’t, I want you to pause and breathe. Because you’ll realise that everything will be okay just like they always do. You’ve been through enough storms to know that no weather, no matter how brutal, lasts forever. Let me remind you of where you came from.

You were born into a world that didn’t exactly offer a gentle welcome. The family you were born into left you with wounds. Some obvious, some invisible. You didn’t have an option, but you carried them through your childhood, teenagehood and ultimately adulthood anyway. You experienced the confusion, the loneliness, the yearning to be seen and loved without condition. Those open wounds didn’t just hurt. They shaped the way you trusted, the way you connected, the way you viewed yourself. You were like an empty rotting carcass drifting off into the abyss with no meaning nor direction.

For a long time, you believed those scars made you broken and you let it define your existence. You questioned your worth, your value, your place in the world. You lived with voices both internal and external, telling you that you weren’t enough. And sometimes, you believed them. So much so that you end up spiraling in an endless cycle of self-sabotage. Other times, the darkness got so loud that it made you believe you were better off gone and you’d cope by going through addictions. Anything to escape the feeling of senselessness and purposelessness.

But here’s the part that matters most. Despite all the punches life threw at you, you kept going. It gave you the hunger for success, the desire to achieve great things, to become powerful. Because not only will you prove the doubters wrong, but you’d also no longer have to wake up being afraid. You want to be feared.

Life didn’t go easy on you. It tested you multiple times. You were faced with insurmountable obstacles and they were too many to count. But each time, you got back up stronger. Whenever you got knocked down, you’d get back up with more grit, more defiance. You’ve been at war for so long that you’ve inevitably become a silent warrior. You might not wear armor and perhaps you might even still cry sometimes. But your strength is real. It’s definitely not loud or performative. It’s forged in silence, in solitude, and in choosing not to give up when no one else is watching. Only you are aware of how much you’ve struggled to come this far.

Maybe you still doubt yourself sometimes.. Maybe you still feel like you’re not far enough, not healed enough, not accomplished enough. That’s okay, just look at everything you’ve survived. Look at how far you’ve come with no map, no guarantees and a shitload of uncertainties. You’ve made it so far with just sheer will and tenacity. You’re fucking unbreakable. Don’t underestimate yourself.

And please, if you’re reading this and life feels heavy again, don’t forget how many times you’ve already saved yourself. When there’s a will, there’s a way. You’ll be fine, you’ll be alright.

You’ve always deserved more than what you were given. What makes you special is the story. Your story. How you learned to build yourself. Your peace, strength, and hope. You made your own blueprint from broken pieces. You have never needed anyone to save you. All you need is yourself to believe in you.

So I hope, wherever you are now, you’re living boldly and freely. I hope you’re happier and loving yourself deeply. Life, afterall is about about the journey and what fun would it be if you didn’t get to experience the ups and downs of it? Oh and one last thing, please don’t ever forget this: You didn’t just survive your traumatic past. You’re in the process of transforming yourself into the kind of person you once needed. And that’s something you can always be proud of, regardless. If life knocks you down, and it will, get back up. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Because as cliche as it sounds, tough times don’t always last. Only tough people do.

With love,

Your past self