YOU’RE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HOW OTHER’S FEEL

I’ve always been someone who’s emotionally intelligent, an empath who’s constantly at war with her own thoughts. I can’t help but have this gnawing feeling that I’m always responsible for how others feel.

It’s extremely heavy and exhausting. I can’t remember when I started developing this but carrying the emotional weight of everyone around me became a reflex, almost like muscle memory. For years, I can’t help but always scan the room for any discomfort. It’s like a natural gift for attracting tension, I genuinely cannot control it. I would read between the lines of someone’s tone and immediately jump into “I need to fix this” mode. Sometimes, I’d twist myself into knots trying to prevent someone else’s sadness, frustration, or anger…even when I had nothing to do with it. In some cases, my anxious effort to make others feel better can lead to misunderstandings when I say or do the wrong things. I know, it’s pretty ironic.

But here’s what I’m learning: feeling responsible for others’ emotions just means that I may be more compassionate than others. But, at the same time, it makes me hostage to people’s moods. And worse, it deprives them of the space to feel what they need to feel, process it, and grow.

Other people are allowed to be upset. They’re allowed to be disappointed, frustrated, and even mad. But it doesn’t mean I caused it. And even if I did unintentionally, it doesn’t mean I’m obligated to fix it immediately. I’ve been through those feelings myself and I never had the expectation that others should fix it for me.

Boundaries are not walls; they are clarity. They remind me where I should draw the line and where others do too. I can care deeply without carrying the whole load on my shoulders all the time. I can be supportive without self-abandoning. It is not my duty to be a saint and try to fix things. I need to start paying more attention to myself, not towards others.

So if you’re like me, an empath who’s always bracing for emotional impact, maybe this is your reminder too: you’re not responsible for how others feel. You’re only responsible for showing up when things get hard for them. That’s enough, and that’s always been enough.